Frank and factual
Menopause and Sex Drive: Your Options and Who to Ask
Desire, dryness and comfort after menopause, with the sources named.
At midlife, says The Menopause Society, some people feel a big drop in desire, some an increase, some no change. For dryness the NHS suggests water-based lubricant and vaginal moisturiser, and says to see a GP (family doctor) for unusual discharge or bleeding after sex, or if it lasts a few weeks despite self-help or affects daily life.
Four Things People Notice
The NHS says menopause usually arrives between 45 and 55 but can come earlier, and affects anyone who has periods.
- Drive
- The NHS lists reduced sex drive as a symptom. The Menopause Society says there is no standard to meet for sexual activity and desire.
- Dryness
- The NHS calls vaginal dryness common and says it can carry on after menopause.
- Comfort
- The NHS says vaginal dryness, burning, irritation or itching can also make sex feel painful. The Menopause Society explains that falling oestrogen brings vaginal dryness and a thinner lining, and says telling a healthcare professional can help.
- What else lowers desire
- The NHS lists stress, anxiety, depression, lower hormone levels with age (particularly at menopause) and some medicines, including certain blood pressure treatments and antidepressants, among the causes of low sex drive.
More in the guide to sex after 60.
Who to Ask About Each Option
| Option | What the sources say | Who to ask (from the NHS) |
|---|---|---|
| Lubricant or moisturiser | The NHS lists water-based lubricant before sex and vaginal moisturisers. NICE says to consider non-hormonal moisturisers or lubricants if oestrogen is unsuitable or unwanted. | A GP, for unusual discharge or bleeding after sex, or if dryness lasts a few weeks despite self-help or affects daily life |
| Vaginal oestrogen | The NHS names oestrogen cream or pessary, and says oestrogen creams, gels or patches are not for everybody. NICE says to offer vaginal oestrogen for symptoms such as dryness. | A doctor, nurse or pharmacist |
| Testosterone | The Menopause Society says there is some evidence that testosterone helps with low desire, and that it can cause acne and facial hair growth. NICE says to consider it for low sexual desire linked to menopause if hormone replacement therapy (HRT) alone is not working, and noted in November 2015 that this was an off-label use. | A menopause specialist may prescribe it, says the NHS |
| Herbal remedies | The NHS says there is very little evidence on how well they work or how safe they are. | A GP |
Lubricant or Moisturiser? What the Sources Say
What the sources list
- The NHS lists water-based lubricant before sex, vaginal moisturisers and unperfumed soap as self-help for dryness.
- The National Institute on Aging says water-based lubricant and vaginal moisturisers, both available without a prescription, bring relief for many people when used regularly.
- The NHS lists not being aroused among the causes of dryness.
What the sources caution about
- With latex condoms, the NHS says to use water- or silicone-based lubricant, not oil-based.
- The Menopause Society says that after menopause, without the risk of pregnancy, it is easy to let protected sex slide. More in safer sex over 50.
Comfort is yours to set on a date too. Nobody is owed sex or an explanation, and you can block or report anyone who pushes (see the safety page). Before a first meet, read meeting someone from a dating site safely.
When to See a GP
The NHS says to see a GP for unusual discharge or bleeding after sex, or for dryness that affects daily life or lasts a few weeks despite self-help.
The NHS says to see a GP about a low sex drive that worries you, and NICE lists low sexual desire among menopause symptoms. This guide is general information, not medical advice. The NHS says its sexual health clinics, open to everyone whatever their age, gender, ethnicity or sexuality, offer contraception and STI tests.
Sources and Dates
All read on 19 October 2026.
- NHS, Menopause and perimenopause (no date shown); Symptoms and Treatment pages (both reviewed 19 May 2026)
- NHS, Vaginal dryness, reviewed 24 July 2025
- NHS, Low sex drive (loss of libido), reviewed 26 May 2026
- NHS, Condoms (26 January 2024) and Find a sexual health clinic (31 July 2024)
- NICE, Menopause: identification and management (NG23), updated 15 April 2026
- The Menopause Society, Sexual Health (no date shown)
- National Institute on Aging, Sex and Menopause: Treatment for Symptoms, reviewed 30 September 2021
Your Questions About Menopause and Sex
Does menopause always lower sex drive?
No. The NHS lists reduced sex drive as a symptom, but The Menopause Society says that at midlife some people feel a big drop in desire, some an increase and some no change. It adds that there is no “normal” frequency for having sex at any age.
Why can sex be painful after menopause?
The Menopause Society says falling oestrogen causes vaginal dryness and a thinner lining, which can make penetrative sex painful, and that lubricants and moisturisers help. NICE says vaginal oestrogen should be offered for symptoms such as dryness, and the NHS says to contact a GP to talk about options.
What is the best lubricant for menopause?
The NHS and the National Institute on Aging both list water-based lubricant and vaginal moisturiser. With latex condoms, the NHS says to use a water- or silicone-based lubricant, not an oil-based one.
Do I still need protection after menopause?
The NHS says the best protection against HIV and other STIs is a condom each time you have sex, and The Menopause Society says with unprotected sex postmenopausal women are especially vulnerable because fragile vulvar tissue can let viruses in. For pregnancy, the NHS (page reviewed 19 May 2026) says contraception is needed for a year after your final period at 50 or over, two years at 40 to 49.
Set the Pace and Take a Look
Say what you are after, take your time and meet only when it suits you.
Join now